laptop confessional
Sunday, July 6, 2008
drifting
I am not large enough inside or out to contain all that this past week has entailed. Interpersonally, or just visually -- it's been a full, full day today much like the days prior. I only see the wonder of it when I stop trying to contain it all -- and just let the people and their stories, let the smells and the sounds of the places I visit, sort of flow around me and over me. To see more than what is right in front of me (demanding my attention) has been key to sanity this weekend. By just being aware of it all without trying to address any of it, I am more easily pleased. That's right, just give me pleasure, when there are too many complicators afoot.
working off an argument
It never ceases to surprise me, the lengths to which we will go to prove ourselves right in our assumptions. In the world where faith, culture, art and emotion all intertwine to form tangles of creation both beautiful and dangerous at every turning, it can be a risk-taking merely to point and say, "Look at that!"
I suppose it's been a while since anyone took a solid whack at me for my position. It came out of left field, and I felt the sting -- I never had a chance to defend myself, and it's tough to be condemned for a position you never got the chance to explain, by someone whose opinion means the world to you. It's a complicated issue I'm referring to, and I'm too tired to reconstruct the circumstances right now. Suffice it to say that some people feel so strongly about certain things that if you aren't resolutely in line with their particular extremis of thought and opinion, then you are just WRONG. And it doesn't matter what you think, or who you are to them. It's something I have to think about, to find the right intellectual handle for it, to learn from. Right now I guess I'm mainly feeling sorry for myself.
I suppose it's been a while since anyone took a solid whack at me for my position. It came out of left field, and I felt the sting -- I never had a chance to defend myself, and it's tough to be condemned for a position you never got the chance to explain, by someone whose opinion means the world to you. It's a complicated issue I'm referring to, and I'm too tired to reconstruct the circumstances right now. Suffice it to say that some people feel so strongly about certain things that if you aren't resolutely in line with their particular extremis of thought and opinion, then you are just WRONG. And it doesn't matter what you think, or who you are to them. It's something I have to think about, to find the right intellectual handle for it, to learn from. Right now I guess I'm mainly feeling sorry for myself.
Freedom of Speech
About the First Amendment:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.— The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
The First Amendment was written because at America's inception, citizens demanded a guarantee of their basic freedoms.
Our blueprint for personal freedom and the hallmark of an open society, the First Amendment protects freedom of speech, press, religion, assembly and petition.
Without the First Amendment, religious minorities could be persecuted, the government might well establish a national religion, protesters could be silenced, the press could not criticize government, and citizens could not mobilize for social change.
When the U.S. Constitution was signed on Sept. 17, 1787, it did not contain the essential freedoms now outlined in the Bill of Rights, because many of the Framers viewed their inclusion as unnecessary. However, after vigorous debate, the Bill of Rights was adopted. The first freedoms guaranteed in this historic document were articulated in the 45 words written by James Madison that we have come to know as the First Amendment.
The Bill of Rights — the first 10 amendments to the Constitution — went into effect on Dec. 15, 1791, when the state of Virginia ratified it, giving the bill the majority of ratifying states required to protect citizens from the power of the federal government.
The First Amendment ensures that "if there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein," as Justice Robert Jackson wrote in the 1943 case West Virginia v. Barnette.
For more on this subject visit http://www.firstamendmentcenter.org/about.aspx?item=about_firstamd.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.— The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
The First Amendment was written because at America's inception, citizens demanded a guarantee of their basic freedoms.
Our blueprint for personal freedom and the hallmark of an open society, the First Amendment protects freedom of speech, press, religion, assembly and petition.
Without the First Amendment, religious minorities could be persecuted, the government might well establish a national religion, protesters could be silenced, the press could not criticize government, and citizens could not mobilize for social change.
When the U.S. Constitution was signed on Sept. 17, 1787, it did not contain the essential freedoms now outlined in the Bill of Rights, because many of the Framers viewed their inclusion as unnecessary. However, after vigorous debate, the Bill of Rights was adopted. The first freedoms guaranteed in this historic document were articulated in the 45 words written by James Madison that we have come to know as the First Amendment.
The Bill of Rights — the first 10 amendments to the Constitution — went into effect on Dec. 15, 1791, when the state of Virginia ratified it, giving the bill the majority of ratifying states required to protect citizens from the power of the federal government.
The First Amendment ensures that "if there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein," as Justice Robert Jackson wrote in the 1943 case West Virginia v. Barnette.
For more on this subject visit http://www.firstamendmentcenter.org/about.aspx?item=about_firstamd.
Friday, July 4, 2008
what a dream I had
I think that's the first line of a song I know, but cannot identify at the moment.
I fell asleep as per normal as I put my son to bed, balanced on a six-inch slice of single mattress while he settled down. I often drop off before he does, and awake at about this time.
I dreamed that he and I were alone on a small inflatable boat in an unfamiliar lake or calm inlet, and that the boat was slowly sinking. I was partially in the water, while he sat in the dry, higher portion facing me. We weren't very far from land, and I had a paddle of some kind. I had to get us to shore before the boat sank completely, or at least get close enough that I would have a chance of swimming us both to the shore successfully if we capsized. There was daylight.
Many towering rock formations protruded from the calm waters, like my idea of the Apostle islands (probably smaller), and I was rowing backwards towards the shore in such a way that I could only correct my course by looking around every few minutes. While paddling frantically I also worked to keep him still and calm, not wanting him alarmed or impatient -- hoping his four-year-old's judgement wouldn't get us into deeper trouble. Fortunately he had a rock or something he had picked up in his hands and was focused on this thing, on not losing it.
Steering somewhat blindly I noticed at least twice that without realizing it, we had come through a tight or dangerous place, or through a narrow passage that was our only option, as if guided. I was thinking (in a bare second of pause) that God must be lending a hand, and that reassured me even as the boat sank lower and lower in the dark water.
Interspersed with these scenes, towards the end, were those of another dream in which my son had painful symptoms of an ear infection. He was in the car with his father and I, and we had to get through and around some series of hindrances in order to get him home.
Finally, in the dream of the water, we managed to come safely through and around the rocks, and we gained a seawall close to the beach before the boat became completely submerged. I was able to hoist my son onto dry land before climbing up myself, and the big problem became his concern over the little rock, which he had misplaced after coming ashore. I was relieved that we'd made it without panic or injury, and grateful for the feeling that we were aided somehow by divine power.
After I awoke and staggered into the bathroom to wash my face, I relived the dream. And a line like one of Max Lucado's came to me -- 'the sinking boat of human endeavor.'
I fell asleep as per normal as I put my son to bed, balanced on a six-inch slice of single mattress while he settled down. I often drop off before he does, and awake at about this time.
I dreamed that he and I were alone on a small inflatable boat in an unfamiliar lake or calm inlet, and that the boat was slowly sinking. I was partially in the water, while he sat in the dry, higher portion facing me. We weren't very far from land, and I had a paddle of some kind. I had to get us to shore before the boat sank completely, or at least get close enough that I would have a chance of swimming us both to the shore successfully if we capsized. There was daylight.
Many towering rock formations protruded from the calm waters, like my idea of the Apostle islands (probably smaller), and I was rowing backwards towards the shore in such a way that I could only correct my course by looking around every few minutes. While paddling frantically I also worked to keep him still and calm, not wanting him alarmed or impatient -- hoping his four-year-old's judgement wouldn't get us into deeper trouble. Fortunately he had a rock or something he had picked up in his hands and was focused on this thing, on not losing it.
Steering somewhat blindly I noticed at least twice that without realizing it, we had come through a tight or dangerous place, or through a narrow passage that was our only option, as if guided. I was thinking (in a bare second of pause) that God must be lending a hand, and that reassured me even as the boat sank lower and lower in the dark water.
Interspersed with these scenes, towards the end, were those of another dream in which my son had painful symptoms of an ear infection. He was in the car with his father and I, and we had to get through and around some series of hindrances in order to get him home.
Finally, in the dream of the water, we managed to come safely through and around the rocks, and we gained a seawall close to the beach before the boat became completely submerged. I was able to hoist my son onto dry land before climbing up myself, and the big problem became his concern over the little rock, which he had misplaced after coming ashore. I was relieved that we'd made it without panic or injury, and grateful for the feeling that we were aided somehow by divine power.
After I awoke and staggered into the bathroom to wash my face, I relived the dream. And a line like one of Max Lucado's came to me -- 'the sinking boat of human endeavor.'
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
a wish for us
All itchy and woozy from drinking too much coffee too close to bedtime -- now I cannot sleep, though I feel pretty strung out, and some dipshit across the alley is popping off bottle rockets at 11 o'clock at night. The coffee is my fault though -- I know better than to substitute caffeine for dinner. Certain friends had complications today far exceeding mine -- one is taking a new anti-seizure med to counteract a movement disorder that keeps her awake all night, and she came in to work with an admittedly drunken demeanor. She felt so embarrassed, and apologized several times. She says her body is supposed to adjust quickly, and I hope for the sake of the other drivers that this is so.
I just heard a creepy sound, like an exhale right behind me. I think it's snoring, and accoustics. Yes, I'm jumpy.
My other friend had a headache, a sadly regular occurance, and I empathized -- I just hate that veil of discomfort and distraction that falls between one's eyes and mind, and the rest of the world, with a bad headache. So, two people trying to function normally despite a head full of goldfish. My excuses for lack of productivity weren't as good, though I did accomplish a few things today.
The house is shut up against prowlers and possible rain. I wish we had a second story, just for warm, humid nights like these -- it was always a pleasure to sleep in the fresh air. I hope it does rain, for the sake of the plants -- and maybe the brains, all of us pickling in various states of ailment.
Give me a hot tub in the yard, give me a salty margarita and quiet, quiet. Me and my friends, all soaking our bones until our cares are washed away and the days and nights begin again to count just the right number of hours in each.
I just heard a creepy sound, like an exhale right behind me. I think it's snoring, and accoustics. Yes, I'm jumpy.
My other friend had a headache, a sadly regular occurance, and I empathized -- I just hate that veil of discomfort and distraction that falls between one's eyes and mind, and the rest of the world, with a bad headache. So, two people trying to function normally despite a head full of goldfish. My excuses for lack of productivity weren't as good, though I did accomplish a few things today.
The house is shut up against prowlers and possible rain. I wish we had a second story, just for warm, humid nights like these -- it was always a pleasure to sleep in the fresh air. I hope it does rain, for the sake of the plants -- and maybe the brains, all of us pickling in various states of ailment.
Give me a hot tub in the yard, give me a salty margarita and quiet, quiet. Me and my friends, all soaking our bones until our cares are washed away and the days and nights begin again to count just the right number of hours in each.
Drive Carefully
The view through Chillon's windshield, taken with a cell phone: a large teddy bear stowed away on the back of a chemical tanker. This as we left Yuri's garage sale, where all sorts of unusual objects made their way into the light -- bizarre juxtapositions abounded on Friday.
I sleep, but my heart stirs...
I picked up a stand-alone interpretation of the Song of Songs at Luther Seminary the other day, which fell into my hands even as I was watching my days for a chance to dig into my Bible and refresh my memory of those verses. The particular verse (below) has now been transformed into semi-transparent strips of fabric with my handwriting superimposed over them, being sewn down upon and woven into the piece in progress. (See photos: the first is 'poem in a rubbermaid container;' the second shows a few strips laid out and partially tacked down.)
Speaking of restless hearts; looks like my son is having a busy night, in his sleep. Poor kid has probably in inherited both his mother's over-active dream life and his father's tendency to talk in his sleep. A few minutes ago I heard him casually declare some statement of fact, and when I walked into his room he appeared about to get out of bed. He saw me, and spoke my name; I said "what are you doing?" to which he answered "I don't know," and laid down again, and closed his eyes. Oh dear. Sometimes what I most want in the world is for my kid to sleep soundly.
I can smell the basement lately -- despite all the open windows, sometimes this house is too small. Especially at night, when we close everything tight. But I digress. I suppose this whole post is a digression. More to come after a busy and interesting weekend, but as someone reminded me recently, 1am is a little late to be up and around. Not sleeping, due to my restless heart.
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