So yes, it's been a while. Someone asked me the other day why I haven't posted in a month or more, and haven't kept up much on any of the blogs -- and I can only say that I've been struggling with a lack of energy, with anomie on a grand scale. Of course, there have been a few bright spots, and some good days -- it's all nuance though. Nothing original. So why make my blog into a "blahg?" Better to leave off.
All that said -- it's time to ponder with intent the things for which we are grateful. I try to pray in gratitude as much as I plead for the things I want and worry about. It's often not successful, but I do try. I'm grateful for the following tonight:
- my son, remarkable creature that he is, and his continued health. It's been a struggle, the past few months, and I worry about his teeth and about our big dental appointment on Monday. But I'm grateful things haven't been worse.
- the weather, which has been seasonally acceptable for a couple of weeks now.
- for recent successes in fundraising, at church, which certainly help and will hopefully inspire more giving confidence among members.
- for my friends, for the people I love and trust. While all my primary relationships feel fraught or tangled or difficult in some way right now, still I'm glad I have these people near me.
- for wine.
- and continued, if stressful, employment in the kingdom.
- I had a whole day off today, and I actually felt inspired to get some sewing accomplished; I am very grateful for this.
I've been up to my eyeballs in it for a while now, and I'm not alone. Life in the office seems to be getting more and more intense, now that we are three instead of six, now that there are just two of us in there sorting and dealing with everything most of the time. I'm there 40 hours a week, sometimes less, often more; at least nine hours of that per week I'm alone, and it's difficult to be there alone. Not so much because it gets too busy to cope with, which happens occasionally; more so because it's depressing, to be isolated, when we're waiting for such big dreams to materialize, and trying to keep up with so much minutiae. Can't see more than a few feet in front of me, anymore, so to speak. Can't really go to anyone who understands the details, to complain, because we are all in this same boat and have been for a while.
I am grateful for the church, for my family, for love. I hope things get better.