laptop confessional

Having one of those mornings when I think I'm in the wrong line of work. There's a whole lot the church could be, that it is already to some extent, and certainly there are a good number of smart, motivated members in leadership positions. But right now I just don't see anyone stepping up to really move things forward, and if in the end the question of whether we can truly fulfill our mission as recently defined depends on one person, I'm discouraged. Right now, I see one person really working to envision a great church in a great community, and if that doesn't change that one person will undoubtedly become discouraged and leave. If that happens, I don't want to hang around -- at a mediocre church that works only towards self-preservation, without the capacity to consider risk or embrace a larger vision. And I can't do my job well knowing my future engagement depends on the willingness of others to step up. It's too stressful.

There's so much I do that hardly anyone bothers to understand, in my job, until just recently when the concern becomes money. No one asks, no one seems to care. Until just recently, and suddenly it's urgent. Some of them act like information has been kept from them about our finances and our Outreach programs, the building issues, etc -- when the truth is, all of the information has been published far and wide, repeatedly, and no one has been listening. No one listens, because while a large number of people signed on for one kind of church that would require their active participation, most of them want the church to be great without they themselves having to show up for events, or lift a finger.

I've asked repeatedly for the privilege of being able to get up at our annual meeting and speak about the programs in my care, and no one listens. I'm getting angry.