I'm thinking about doing some "church-shopping." Not seriously, not to make a permanent change. Just to find out what it's like to worship among equals, and possibly to make friends among congregants. I've never just been a member of a church. I entered the church as staff two years ago, and that's really all I know.
As a staff person at a certain unique level in the organization, I feel increasingly lonely. My bosses will never see me as a colleague, because I'm not a professional equal in the church hierarchy. I don't have comparable co-workers, and I'm deferred to generally. When people stop me at church on Sunday it's very nearly always to ask me a staff-oriented question; I don't get invited to join people as a friend at their table very often. Even social functions among church team members can be a little awkward, since my husband doesn't come to church and I don't drive. I often find myself outside, in a privileged position to be sure, but somehow that's not quite what I want. Of course, I can't have it all -- at least not at the church (churches) where I work.
It's not my pastor's fault -- he is my boss, nominally also my pastor; sometimes he is a friend who speaks to me as an equal. That's a lot of hats for any person to wear in a single relationship, so it's unfair to ask him to wear all of them well.
Maybe I should stop in at Mt. Carmel -- I've met their pastor several times, a really nice guy -- or at one of the other churches near my neighborhood. Just to see what it's like. Just to have the experience of being a member. I always wanted a community -- to be part of a community -- and I am, where I work, but it's not I think quite the same. Maybe it won't amount to much, but I'd like to see how I do where people don't know me.
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