caught up in what?

Having completed the last cloth piece a few weeks ago, I find myself more than a week behind on mailing the last round-robin book. I just haven't done a thing with it, and should give it up as a bad job and mail it off, start the next one. I miss having a creative project in the works. CW and RW are both renewing their requests for something quilty from my hands, and I have the fabric (with more ready to buy on my EQuilter wish list.) I should settle on patterns, start cutting. Make a summer of it. I'm sort of resistant now to producing functional objects, but I know I will make loved ones happy if I get busy. Meanwhile, I've grabbed up plenty of distractions. What have I been doing instead?

More reconnecting with folks I haven't seen in months. Hungry for this sort of connection, and for escape from anxieties in general, I've probably imbibed too much coffee and wine and such lately in the name of "reconnection" and relation. Welcome back, CH! See you soon, BC! All this socializing makes me feel like Queen of Slack. I even talked to my mom on the phone for almost an hour, this morning.

What have I accomplished though? Got our taxes done in time for the deadline. Paid a large sum to creditors out of the refund. (Now I'm left with the much larger anxiety of untangling the mysteries associated with Spirit in the House, but I need permission to hire an accountant for that. We didn't get our 501c3 and that leaves us holding the bag on several issues. Press on, press on.)

I dug out a new flower bed on Saturday, and now our large, wonky triangle is an even-larger and wonkier rectangle with a path running through it. One half will be veggies and one half flowers, and by mid-June it will hopefully be lovely. But I'm sore, still, here and there from all the shoveling and sod-busting.

I attended a spiritual retreat on Saturday that did leave me feeling very peaceful and determined, at least for a couple of days. More later on that, maybe.

I skipped church Sunday and spent a chunk of the weekend at home instead, trying to put in the kind of consecutive hours that will help my husband and son relax a little. I'm probably spending all that bank down this week already though -- late last night after a couple of drinks with CH, didn't get home until 7pm. Late tonight because I let myself go downtown to find a few summer outfits that would actually fit. 7pm. I'll be late tomorrow due to another social engagement, struggling to make it home by 7pm or so. And late Thursday as well, due to meetings for work. By Friday, we'll be back to Bad Mommy status, which is what happens when your husband and son make it home by 3:30 or 4pm each day and commence to waiting for you. 6pm is a really reasonable time for me to get home, considering I work normal business hours four days a week; s0 7pm shouldn't be a big deal. But when they get home at 4pm, none of that matters. Home is where they want me, asap. Yeah I know, it's tough being loved.

So...so...I've been to bed early the past few nights, trying to catch up. Stayed up crazy late one night last week, watching Hill Street Blues reruns and posting on Facebook. It took a few days to recover, in combination with the digging in the dirt. Here I am now, 1am on the dot, not a cure in sight for what ails me....