Friday, May 1, 2009

blown karma

Yes, as I said before, I rapidly spent all my good household karma this week and I'm once again in the doghouse. Too much time socializing, drunk twice on a weeknight, home a little late every night (and a lot late tonight, though that was church.) Got caught hugging a male friend goodbye and had to explain myself for reasons entirely unexpected and guilty-making, though a little unreasonable -- and yet, in the context of a badly-behaved week, I probably had it coming. Have I accomplished anything at all this week? Well, I bought my newly-narrowed body some new spring clothes with what was left of my tax refund after bill-paying, not to mention purchasing a WHOLE BUNCH of new fabric. Sooner or later my husband will bust my chops for this. Over-doing it this week, altogether. And yet...

the evening at church puts it in context, to some extent, at least for me. One of the people on the new facility planning team had a surprisingly emotional confession to make about doubt and sorrow, and I found myself feeling very very empathetic (even though I don't much like this person ordinarily.) It's all I can do sometimes to fend off the utterly consuming matters before us as a group and an organization, as humans in a tiny pointy building floating around in space. It's all I can do not to cry and throw things a good bit of the time, when I think about it, so I could really admire the courage of this one guy to just up and core dump. I hope we don't lose him from the church entirely.

But it's no excuse -- I mean it's the CHURCH for crying out loud! No excuse for over-consumption. No excuse for bad planning and poor decision-making. No excuse for feeling so deprived and twisted up all the time. Straighten up and fly right, sister. It'll be fun someday, I promise.

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